Nikki

Love simplifies
but at much as my heart is stuck on you,
you seem to complicate my life like a rubix cube
that you tried to take the stickers off of
instead of solving
you've played me& I played you
but when it's game over,
we both lose

in& out of my life like poetry in motion
as you weave your web &suck the life out of me
you've cut me off of everyone until
I'm down& out...
lost without you...
caught me a case of the ex-factor
cuz...
when I try to walk away,
you hurt yourself to make me stay

the opposite of love isn't hate,
it's selfishness
so it's contradictory to say:
"if you love me, you'll do this"
this getting back& getting even
got me chasin' my tail
(I thought I grew out of this type love)

love doesn't change
&it wasn't our love that changed
I guess you just grew on me til I became comfortable
&our relationship shaped into perfect butt-grooves like the living room couch
we shed our cucoons&
saw our true colors
&just grew out of each other
(puppy love just ends up doggin' you)

&this feeling is like
watching petals fall off a wilted flower
although I wasn't even around to see it bloom
I've only been here long enough to catch our falling out

don't get me wrong
we've had our moments
but ofr an ounce of pleasure,
i get a ton of pain
maybe,
that's why we argue:
cuz the fighting is bitter,
but the making up is just so sweet
I mean,
that's not why I stay -
well,
maybe that's part of the reason
but that's besides the point

I think next time,
I'm takin' some kind of medication
before I take another shot at love.

Deep, Dark Secrets

Photos on my wall of frozen memoirs
pictures are worth a thousand words
&If walls could speak then we
wouldn't really need these
photographic memories
nor these
he-said-said-she-said's
&if walls could speak
then
they would spare me the time of
explaining my life stories
&if walls could speak
then we'd all be in up to our knees
cuz mos def it'd spill the beans
about all my secret thoughts

like
i think that you're a real stinker
oops.
i mean
i drink that i'm a heavy thinker
no wait.
that's not right either

I'm afraid of the dark
cuz I have this fear that
the moomoo is gonna get me
which is one of the real reasons why i stay on the phone& watch tv til 5am

don't tell anyone
but
i pick my nose when i'm alone
&
i pick my wedgies when I'm not
I like to watch cartoons with my 3yr old brother
&i wish Alicia Keys& Michelle Rodriguez were my girlfriends

I sing hella loud when I'm alone at work
as mych as I enjoy the company of me, myself& I
I
get lonely at night
which is why I still sleep with Freddy the Teddy

I pick up change from the sidewalks
I'm afraid my feet stink,
or if my but doesn't look big in these jeans

I feel mortified at the thought of being phoneless
because I might miss an important call
(even though I'm the one that calls everybody)

I'm afraid of not knowing what I want to major in
or not even getting the chance to be a college drop out
the real reason I haven't gone to school
is cuz I'm afraid to fail
or waste my time on useless classes
cuz I'd rather spend my money on food
than be educated about something that won't help me survive
when San Francisco burns to the ground

I'm terrified of dying old under intensive treatment
cuz I'd rather die than be a vegetable attached to a machine

but my real fear
is having deep, dark secrets
so I won't hide it
because if I stuff them in the corners of the closet
it'd be something monstrous

instead,
I'll expose them for the world to see
before I can develop any phobias
&there won't be a chance for these
negatives to duplicate
&I'd rather be laughed at than gasped at
(on the occasion that no one knew about this
until someone cleaned out my closet,
&found this in my skeleton's breast pocket)
so now,
my deep, dark secrets
are no longer dark,
nor are they secrets,
they're just deep.