You& I; Never "Us" (collabo)

Kat:
I've gotten lost in my thoughts of you;
you've found a way to tape my mouth shut and cuff my hands behind my back
-helpless
by simply answering your phone.

Nica:
& the knowledge of it all just puts me on a power trip
being aware of the fact that I have the ability to be thought of as someone special
especially to a person that has the mental
& emotional capacity that deserves it

Kat:
mentally- here's where i'm at
welcome to our world
where between blacks and whites there are purples and lime greens
and- midgets and giants stand side by side
this is where the real people live
where the poets stand high above the ones classified as others
emotionally- here's where i'm at
welcome to my world
where i call you my bestfriend
and- inside; hearing myself place our relationship in the friendship category
just claws at me from the inside out
and- knowing you feel for others is something i just have to put up with
this is where i've chose to live
where you&i stand high above the ones classified as others

Nica:
&I know that cavities don't heal, yet continue to play stupid
Cuz it kills me that
It kills you
So I
Keep you close
Cuz if you're not under the friend category
Then you're just listed as an "other"
So I welcome you to my world
Where I gave you the goggles to see my different shades of purples
The place you stay in my world
Is right across the street from the gated, secured community of heart ache central

Kat:
safety is key; no one likes getting hurt
because cavities aren't fun
so i- look through the gates of this
heavenly resort
i see all these chickens running around with their heads chopped off
they've all been welcomed in and i stand outside, where it's safe
because as soon as they enter those big white gates;
they lose their heads; not that their heads were worth much before they entered anyways
they walk through a mine field making sure to set off every trap on the way to your heart
and always die off right before hello
but me; somehow i've managed to get farther than the rest while standing here
behind these gates
where it's safe

Nica:
playin' hard to get
cuz I'm
hard to get
with good reason.
yeah,
those headless chickens you see-
they did that to themselves
&the gate surrounding them -
I did that,
for the sake of everyone else.
&what makes you& I so cool
Is that
You& I
Can be
You
&
I

Kat:
and it amazes me how we're on the same level
and- you&i have inside jokes about the ignorance that surrounds us on a daily
and- you&i are the first people to know when something is wrong
and- you&i are you&i but

Both:
You& I are never us.

Kat:
simply two independents because it would simply be too much of a hassle for

Both:
You& I to become "us"

Sleep (collabo)

Nica:
Did you know... the bullfrog is the only animal that never sleeps?

Kat:
I never sleep because sleep is the cousin of death.

Nica:
Why sleep to escape when life is too great to leave?
I love to live& tomorrow's not promised,
so I - carpe diem cuz I live for me.

Kat:
it's like...
puttin' life on hold until you open your eyes
&I don't...
wanna run away from my problems because
when I wake up from my sleeps;
my feelings are almost always intensified and;
I'm back to square one so my heart never rests;
it keeps beating and even as my eyes shut for long amounts of time;
my head continues to try and fix the problems I had from before these eyes took their rest

Nica:
&what's the point in feeling sorry for yourself& wallowing in pain...
letting sadness weaken your endurance&
allowing your muscles to turn to mush.
I choose to let these negative emotions sink in& simmer,
to condition myself to become immune to the pessimism,
cuz what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger,
&if He put me to it,
then He'll get me thru it cuz
God would never give me anything I can't handle.
Well, maybe I'm not totally immune, cuz as much as I try,
my heart would never harden.
I guess you can say I'm training to be able to cope
& run circles around these fools thinkin' they runnin game.

Kat:
and everyone thinks they got it all figured out.
like they can sleep shit off and things will be easier to cope with when wake
but leave shit to simmer for too long and it'll just burn to a crisp
and no one likes their shit burnt.
I'd much rather swallow my spit and take it like it is
cuz God made me strong and puts me through His tests
and I'll continue to fly through them with flying colors
til the day He decides that enough is enough

Nica:
Cuz I'm in it to win it.
Ya needa go hard or go home cuz nobody gets a break these days.
People sympathize like no tomorrow but when shit hits the fan,
it's me myself &I. My own watch dog 24/7,
so I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to.
I only live once so ima live it to the fullest.
I wanna go out with a bang cuz everyone lives& everyone dies,
but its how you lived& what you died for that people remember you by.

We geird, son.

I kept my mouth shut when it came to this little crush...
yet you read my mind &spilled your bonecrusher guts ;-)
so I do what I can to be your geird motivation
making sure you study& pay attention in class as we fall into that pattern
of being vampires (on the lowlow, right? haha!)
this completely comfortable relationship we have allows us to be our dorky selves
creating our own lexicon (which is so freakin' hilari!)
&gets these normal people all j...
but it's coo,
cuz we GEIRD, SON.

(come out &play.)
lemme just grab my jet pack& I'll be on my way.
foreal, I wish you were here tho, on a serious note.

No matter how hard I try
These two blankets& five pillows on my twin-sized bed just can't satisfy my imagination of what it'd be like
Sleeping with you.

&when I miss you,
My heart doesn't hurt.
Instead, I get stomach aches
Cuz your absence
Got me starvin for your presence
(you& I both know how our appetites are rarely satisfied.)

So I
Strangle this mic
with my oddly sweaty palms due to unusual nervousness
as I
Verbally spill out my emotions& feelings for you
In hopes that I'm not waiting in vain.

I left your side like a butterfly.

Pain gives birth to change
So as I shed this chrysalis of my trials& tribulations
You can see me fly like the social butterfly that I choose to be
With my vibrantly vivacious personality
That overpowers the dark colors of aches &pains,
Or more like the lack of color thereof
Freedom never felt so good
Nor has it ever been so fragile

That's Life.

Somethin like a fish out of water
Or lemon juice on an open wound.
Kinda like a deck of 51, &all you're missin' is the queen of hearts.

Like your body's ready to shut down
But your mind is racing
Cuz the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Life is full of nothin but mismatch socks& flat soda,
cuz knots are so easy to make,
yet a pain in the ass to take out.
The puniest papercuts are the ones that hurt the most,
&whenever you're lookin for zip-up hoodies,
All they carry are pull-overs.
No matter how many times I add& alter this poem,
The list goes on.

This ain't irony,
&I ain't tryna get deeply analytical;
These are just the beautiful mishaps of Life.

This is to you, Holden Caufield.

a little background on the poem. i wrote it for an assignment in February (07) after reading The Catcher in the Rye. It's to Holden Caufield. if you haven't read the book yet, then go get yourself a copy at the library or something.

Fallin' apart
With a bed of concrete to soften your landing
Yeah, I been there.
Lookin' for a friend to be by your side
But all you find is a Scotch& Coke, with a hunting hat to hide behind
Hm, I know how you feel.
Lookin' for love
When females' natural scent is lust
Boy, ain't that the truth.
Exhausted from jumpin' into taxis& catchin' trains to get to the right place
When the streets only let you make left turns
I know, I'm on the same page.
Just watchin' your money fly out the window,
'Cause you're trying to fill that void
Please believe, I'm doin' the same thing.
We're tired of crying out of no where
Fed up with phonies
Done with dealin' with morons with inferiority complexes
Broken from Love
Or more like, the absence of it.
But please,
Don't feel alone
Because regardless the time difference
Leaving aside race or gender,
Despite our separate life stories,
We share the same pain.

Truth Is.

I'm not sick
although i feel like throwing up
neglecting their freedom of speech
people choose silence over the privilege to verbally teach
because they're too afraid to stand up& speak
so you're trapped in your box of adversity
you mime your way through things

you now
conform to perform on your platform of
lies that you tell
every time that you tell
the world that you're fine
when you're really just blind
you built your walls up so high that youre shielding yourself from the truth

truth is
no matter how many Iraqis we kill,
the war is still not over
truth is
no matter how many showers you take,
it wont wash away your guilt
(that's called an apology.)
truth is
no matter how loud your turn up the music or how many hours you sleep or how many drugs you take or scars you make or poems you write,
your problems will still be
your problems

so face it,
high school popularity wont help your career
your brand new jordans were made by a little asian boy that gets paid less than a dollar a day
ignorance is the most harmful thing you can give into
admit it
embrace it
acknowledge it
cuz the truth will set you free.

Love Happens Nonetheless.

Beautifully bittersweet
Yet I painstakingly pardon you
Through miscommunicated misunderstanding
&misunderstood miscommunication
The only thing that gets us through it
Is Love

Besides the fact that
I've written poems to you, for you& about you
Most of which you don't take out the time to hear
I'm not in it for the chase,
Cuz you& I both understand that
I'm not in it for kicks.
Or clothes& gifts for that matter.
I'm your better half
Matter fact...I'm your better 80%
Cuz the 80-20 rule couldn't be more true

You hold my hand
So I ask if this means you love me
You say, "only for today."
This is the game that we play.

Despite the red Valentine hearts filled with sweets,
I have rotted to the core;
This is more like a Halloween trick without the treat.
purple heart cuz I'm holdin my breath
That stale bubble of air that's stuck in my chest.
I just need to find the right moment
When it's
Okay
To just
Exhale.

Fallen out of love-
Or more like
Climbed out with my bare hands
I don't even like writing about love
&here you got me exposing myself
&left a hole in my walls that you crashed down
So now you're leavin just as fast as you came in.

Now I see,
Through the grander scheme of things,
That God planned to be most present in my flaws& mistakes.
So when he opened up the heavens& sent me thru the fire of you
I gotta get burned, &call it a lesson learned.

I guess its true that
Love was never meant for
You& me

But hey,
This is just another bittersweet love poem written to you, for you& about you,
That you haven't taken the time out to hear.

Fuck bitches, get money. (Confessions of a Workaholic)

Confidently concealed.
Kept under wraps.
Enshrouded with booby traps.
I am one tough cookie.

Maluhine.
The outsider.
Not of this land.
Not affiliated with the similar,
I don't match,
I am my own& I strictly do me.
I'm hard to get to for a reason;
Out of your league,
cuz there's no way in hell
that ima fall under a category with others.
A wildflower all my own.
Fuck the identical bought boquets you can pick up at any corner.
(Roses really smell like boobooboo.)
Vibrantly voluptuous.
Too much for you to handle,
cuz if you can't handle me at my worst,
you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
You need to get right or get left.

Roots run too deep for you to even begin to comprehend.
Educated by the best: my own mistakes.
Fool me once, shame on you;
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Learn& live.
I don't have time to play games;
Even if I did,
I'd be ten steps ahead of ya.
I'll never let em see me sweat.
I'm too cute for that =)
All I'll give you is my index, middle& ring finger,
&I'll leave it up to you to read between the lines.
I wouldn't give you the time of day for anything else.

I must confess,
I've always had a mistress.
I just gotta let you know.
She always has time for me,
&she gives me a break when I need it.
Treats me good& I like to call her my sugar momma.
It's work.
I'll always put her first cuz she don't fuck me over,
&play me like a fool.
Hey, maybe it's just the lust for money talking,
but
She makes me happy.

I just wanna write
write til I finish the ink in my favorite pen
write til my callous is rough& rugged
write til my wrist aches from the curves of my barcode-looking handwriting
write til my feelings bleed onto the paper like some freak accident.
I write
cuz it's easy to control what I say,
when I say it,
&to whom I am saying it.
I have the power to delete, backspace& erase.
When I write,
my silences are never awkward
Pauses are intentional
&I can make you hang on to my words even after they are written
cuz these words have bled into your mind as if it was underneath this sheet of paper.

I read cuz
there is a definite beginning, middle& end.
I can identify the hero &villain
&know the outcome before the story ends.
It's an escape.

I live in my surreality.

P.S. I don't play games.

Pick my brain.
Push my buttons.
Pluck the wings off these butterflies that escaped.
Make me look like the bad guy
Cuz as much as you say I'm playin games,
I really don't care for winning.
I'll be the loser& we'll call it a day,
cuz I'd rather take the heat than run up, down& around these chutes& ladders.
Goin' at it back &forth does not float my boat,
&neither does trying to convince someone that I'm not out to hurt them.

Yeah, I'm, wishy-washy.
No, I don't want to let anyone in.
So what?
You knew from the jump that I'm not perfect,
&I didn't even have to tell you that.
Can you blame me?

P.s.
Thanks for removing my writer's block.
As much as I avoid writing about crushes, admiration, &heartache,
I guess that's what thawed out my notebook that I been preserving for so long.

P.s.s.
I don't regret anything.
The cookie didn't go bad.
That's why I brush my teeth before I feel the ache,
cuz I'd rather be safe than sorry.
I can always fill my cavities;
Just give me some time& I'll call it a lesson learned.
Just like my third molars that are growing in;
Hurts like a bitch, but they call em wisdom teeth for a reason.

staying up til 6am.

so I wanted to try you on for size
&it turns out
I love how your hand fit perfectly in mine
&what can I say?
I'm simply taken by your rugged rudeness
yet the presence of your manners still throws me off-
in a good way, of course.
Weird how
all the little things I prefer-
are found in you,
down to the dimples&
"Idon'tgiveafuck" attitude.
Even crazier that-
my confidence doesn't phase you;
you know that I'm deathly afraid to get hurt once more...
&that I'm totally aware of these band aids that don't heal-
that simply cover up the scars until the adhesives wear out.
What a silly hopeless attempt,
that you seem to see right through.

Honestly,
in all honesty,
I'm too scared to enjoy how we finish each other's sentences
or be content with the fact that we have more inside jokes
than I have ever had with anyone in my entire life,
cuz I don't wanna push you away like I have the rest.
Although they were coo,
we just didn't fit-
not even half as much as how me& you do.
I've pushed down the butterflies til their wings tickle the crevices of my insides.
Which is why I randomly giggle.

wait.
nothing.
nevermind.

(so when I went to Virgin mobile& asked the fortune cookie if I liked you
it told me to try the egg roll.
Do I like you?)
Hmm...
So how about them Giants?

I'll never admit it.
it'll be our little secret.
Like the change in weather,
&the phone number I call you on.
Even though you're all over myspace &away messages.
So I guess I'll let a butterfly or two out with this poem
that I've been holding in for quite some time-
&see how kindly you react to them.