Freewrite.

I'm just a simple soul living in a complex society.

I cry diamonds.

Bad guys' eyes

A man is as good as his word so
practice what you preach
if actions speak louder than words,
then
walk the talk cuz
you can read a man's mind based on his actions

I know now that you are not the love of my life
Just a love that changed my life
&showed me all the ways how not to be,
all the ways how not to love,
&everything I did not want in a relationship.

Reminders of how constant things are inconsistent
bay area seasons change as quickly as emotions
even at the most unexpected times,
there's always a chance of sunshine.

&this feeling is like
watching petals fall off a wilted flower
I just wish I'd hear it a time or two
so I try a little bit more than I usually would
maybe a bit more than I should
Whatever "pretty" is

gettin' kinda lonely
cuz I'm tired playin' Matchmaker
&I ain't no suicidal cupid,
so I can't shoot myself.

Your voice still rings in my ears.
In &out of my life like poetry in motion

Some things are just better left unsaid
undone,
just the way you left me.
Instead of getting it together,
growing up& tying your shoes,
you went& knotted my left& right together,
&by undoing the mess you made,
I know that you left cuz we weren't right together.

&it's not like I miss you,
cuz I don't.
&I can't say that I'll call you,
cuz I won't.

&if none of this is making sense,
then I have nothing more to tell you,
because after all,
your mistakes are your best teachers,
&some things are better left unsaid.

love doesn't change
&it wasn't our love that changed
we just
grew out of each other
(puppy love just ends up doggin' you).

My love, my love, my love.
You are the tittles to my i's
the beginning of my demise
of the end of my disguise

we don't finish each other's sentences -
instead we interrupt them
we don't fight
I'm always right.
I still feel the same love I have once felt
I would still give up everything for her
but the difference is -
she wouldn't ask that of me.

Freewrite.

I bit my lip
as she swished her hips
cuz I knewunder the exterior of those size 36 jeans
was a Woman
that God had blessed this world with
&I can tell you
that there is nothing sexier
than a dominant personality
with masculine abilities
trapped in a feminine facade

don't mistake this message,
because women of any orientation
can have this type of sexiness -
should they choose to embrace it.

This is my mind in words...as best as I could put it.

I wanna be famous
My myspace profile doesn't change cuz my morals stay the same
They say staying in one place means you'll surely be found
But maybe I wanna move around
&leave traces of what used to be
So that they can smell my scarf at night& dream of what could be
Cuz I don't want em to catch me
&I'll just keep movin up up
Up

Pictures are worth a thousand words
But they're worthless when you're online dating
Cuz a picture of u doesn't look like a picture of you
All you are to me are pixels& profiles
Portraying nothing of the enigma that you are

Love to love, not be loved
Do it cuz u want to,
Not cuz u want something in return
Don't do what's easy
Do what's right
Integrity.
Something seldom found,
&many don't even know the meaning of the word.

Hurt people hurt people.
Retrospectively,
You're looking into the future
Cuz history always repeats itself

Its hard to be helpful when the world is so helpless
It's like my chemical romance
Cuz
You used to be lovedrunk
But now you're hungover
&say you're never gonna do it again
one week you're huggin' Jose
&the next he's old news, &you've moved on to huggin' Henny
right before you hug the toilet
&right before you give up,
you're nursing a precious white zin'

Clearing your throat won't disguise the unhappiness in your voice

Raising a kid that ain't yours ain't easy
I get too lazy so I pull the line every filipino parent used until we stopped believing it:
Oh, sigeh, the mamaw's gonna get u

I've never written a poem about loving women because what more can I say than WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL &ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME.
Everything else falls under the category of love& shit that you feel like complaining about...
See, homosexuals are normal people, too.

If I don't stand up for myself
Then who will?

It rained the morning she left
I got proof by the tear drop stains on the shoulder of my sleeve
(although nobody knows it but me)
Hopin so badly that this inclement weather would delay her flight
&the loneliness to come

Everything's coming up roses

&there's no consolation in the knowledge that all of our heroines are on heroin.

Manipulative minds make mindless meanders
Massively molding the monstrously meek

I just wish I'd hear it a time or two
so I try a little bit more than I usually would
Whatever "pretty" is

I hate when people come up with all these complicated quotes to try& sound all sophisticated, &people give em big ups, but when you really sit& try to make logic of it all, it's all contradictory &they don't even understand what they're saying themselves.
So inspired by all these plays on words that people come up with
That I want so badly to come up with cool shit, too
but I hope I don't come off as the rest of those complicated bozos.

it's raining cats& dogs
and go figure that
Men are all dogs
&all women are catty
but
women can be bitches,
&men can be pussies,
in the end, it doesn't really matter
cuz
anyone can/will cheat
although,
I personally don't have enough time for an affair..

&baby,
although it's cold outside,
This sun shining thru the big windows in the back of the bus
Makes me wanna just nap
&I wouldn't care if I missed my stop...

Nikki

Love simplifies
but at much as my heart is stuck on you,
you seem to complicate my life like a rubix cube
that you tried to take the stickers off of
instead of solving
you've played me& I played you
but when it's game over,
we both lose

in& out of my life like poetry in motion
as you weave your web &suck the life out of me
you've cut me off of everyone until
I'm down& out...
lost without you...
caught me a case of the ex-factor
cuz...
when I try to walk away,
you hurt yourself to make me stay

the opposite of love isn't hate,
it's selfishness
so it's contradictory to say:
"if you love me, you'll do this"
this getting back& getting even
got me chasin' my tail
(I thought I grew out of this type love)

love doesn't change
&it wasn't our love that changed
I guess you just grew on me til I became comfortable
&our relationship shaped into perfect butt-grooves like the living room couch
we shed our cucoons&
saw our true colors
&just grew out of each other
(puppy love just ends up doggin' you)

&this feeling is like
watching petals fall off a wilted flower
although I wasn't even around to see it bloom
I've only been here long enough to catch our falling out

don't get me wrong
we've had our moments
but ofr an ounce of pleasure,
i get a ton of pain
maybe,
that's why we argue:
cuz the fighting is bitter,
but the making up is just so sweet
I mean,
that's not why I stay -
well,
maybe that's part of the reason
but that's besides the point

I think next time,
I'm takin' some kind of medication
before I take another shot at love.

Deep, Dark Secrets

Photos on my wall of frozen memoirs
pictures are worth a thousand words
&If walls could speak then we
wouldn't really need these
photographic memories
nor these
he-said-said-she-said's
&if walls could speak
then
they would spare me the time of
explaining my life stories
&if walls could speak
then we'd all be in up to our knees
cuz mos def it'd spill the beans
about all my secret thoughts

like
i think that you're a real stinker
oops.
i mean
i drink that i'm a heavy thinker
no wait.
that's not right either

I'm afraid of the dark
cuz I have this fear that
the moomoo is gonna get me
which is one of the real reasons why i stay on the phone& watch tv til 5am

don't tell anyone
but
i pick my nose when i'm alone
&
i pick my wedgies when I'm not
I like to watch cartoons with my 3yr old brother
&i wish Alicia Keys& Michelle Rodriguez were my girlfriends

I sing hella loud when I'm alone at work
as mych as I enjoy the company of me, myself& I
I
get lonely at night
which is why I still sleep with Freddy the Teddy

I pick up change from the sidewalks
I'm afraid my feet stink,
or if my but doesn't look big in these jeans

I feel mortified at the thought of being phoneless
because I might miss an important call
(even though I'm the one that calls everybody)

I'm afraid of not knowing what I want to major in
or not even getting the chance to be a college drop out
the real reason I haven't gone to school
is cuz I'm afraid to fail
or waste my time on useless classes
cuz I'd rather spend my money on food
than be educated about something that won't help me survive
when San Francisco burns to the ground

I'm terrified of dying old under intensive treatment
cuz I'd rather die than be a vegetable attached to a machine

but my real fear
is having deep, dark secrets
so I won't hide it
because if I stuff them in the corners of the closet
it'd be something monstrous

instead,
I'll expose them for the world to see
before I can develop any phobias
&there won't be a chance for these
negatives to duplicate
&I'd rather be laughed at than gasped at
(on the occasion that no one knew about this
until someone cleaned out my closet,
&found this in my skeleton's breast pocket)
so now,
my deep, dark secrets
are no longer dark,
nor are they secrets,
they're just deep.

You& I; Never "Us" (collabo)

Kat:
I've gotten lost in my thoughts of you;
you've found a way to tape my mouth shut and cuff my hands behind my back
-helpless
by simply answering your phone.

Nica:
& the knowledge of it all just puts me on a power trip
being aware of the fact that I have the ability to be thought of as someone special
especially to a person that has the mental
& emotional capacity that deserves it

Kat:
mentally- here's where i'm at
welcome to our world
where between blacks and whites there are purples and lime greens
and- midgets and giants stand side by side
this is where the real people live
where the poets stand high above the ones classified as others
emotionally- here's where i'm at
welcome to my world
where i call you my bestfriend
and- inside; hearing myself place our relationship in the friendship category
just claws at me from the inside out
and- knowing you feel for others is something i just have to put up with
this is where i've chose to live
where you&i stand high above the ones classified as others

Nica:
&I know that cavities don't heal, yet continue to play stupid
Cuz it kills me that
It kills you
So I
Keep you close
Cuz if you're not under the friend category
Then you're just listed as an "other"
So I welcome you to my world
Where I gave you the goggles to see my different shades of purples
The place you stay in my world
Is right across the street from the gated, secured community of heart ache central

Kat:
safety is key; no one likes getting hurt
because cavities aren't fun
so i- look through the gates of this
heavenly resort
i see all these chickens running around with their heads chopped off
they've all been welcomed in and i stand outside, where it's safe
because as soon as they enter those big white gates;
they lose their heads; not that their heads were worth much before they entered anyways
they walk through a mine field making sure to set off every trap on the way to your heart
and always die off right before hello
but me; somehow i've managed to get farther than the rest while standing here
behind these gates
where it's safe

Nica:
playin' hard to get
cuz I'm
hard to get
with good reason.
yeah,
those headless chickens you see-
they did that to themselves
&the gate surrounding them -
I did that,
for the sake of everyone else.
&what makes you& I so cool
Is that
You& I
Can be
You
&
I

Kat:
and it amazes me how we're on the same level
and- you&i have inside jokes about the ignorance that surrounds us on a daily
and- you&i are the first people to know when something is wrong
and- you&i are you&i but

Both:
You& I are never us.

Kat:
simply two independents because it would simply be too much of a hassle for

Both:
You& I to become "us"

Sleep (collabo)

Nica:
Did you know... the bullfrog is the only animal that never sleeps?

Kat:
I never sleep because sleep is the cousin of death.

Nica:
Why sleep to escape when life is too great to leave?
I love to live& tomorrow's not promised,
so I - carpe diem cuz I live for me.

Kat:
it's like...
puttin' life on hold until you open your eyes
&I don't...
wanna run away from my problems because
when I wake up from my sleeps;
my feelings are almost always intensified and;
I'm back to square one so my heart never rests;
it keeps beating and even as my eyes shut for long amounts of time;
my head continues to try and fix the problems I had from before these eyes took their rest

Nica:
&what's the point in feeling sorry for yourself& wallowing in pain...
letting sadness weaken your endurance&
allowing your muscles to turn to mush.
I choose to let these negative emotions sink in& simmer,
to condition myself to become immune to the pessimism,
cuz what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger,
&if He put me to it,
then He'll get me thru it cuz
God would never give me anything I can't handle.
Well, maybe I'm not totally immune, cuz as much as I try,
my heart would never harden.
I guess you can say I'm training to be able to cope
& run circles around these fools thinkin' they runnin game.

Kat:
and everyone thinks they got it all figured out.
like they can sleep shit off and things will be easier to cope with when wake
but leave shit to simmer for too long and it'll just burn to a crisp
and no one likes their shit burnt.
I'd much rather swallow my spit and take it like it is
cuz God made me strong and puts me through His tests
and I'll continue to fly through them with flying colors
til the day He decides that enough is enough

Nica:
Cuz I'm in it to win it.
Ya needa go hard or go home cuz nobody gets a break these days.
People sympathize like no tomorrow but when shit hits the fan,
it's me myself &I. My own watch dog 24/7,
so I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to.
I only live once so ima live it to the fullest.
I wanna go out with a bang cuz everyone lives& everyone dies,
but its how you lived& what you died for that people remember you by.